Grief and Guilt of a Ringbearer
by Cantora
Summary: After Gandalf’s fall, Frodo feels his loss keenly and it is made worse by Frodo’s guilt. (FotR, no slash, movie verse, Frodo pov)
1. The Fall of a Friend

**The Grief and Guilt of the Ringbearer**

**_            Disclaimer:_**_ The characters are not mine; they belong to the illustrious Professor Tolkien. I have merely borrowed them to play with but I promise to return them.****_

**_            Summery:__ After Gandalf's fall, Frodo feels his loss keenly and it is made worse by Frodo's guilt. (FotR, no slash, movie verse, Frodo pov)_**

Prologue- The Fall of a Friend

            A devil had come. A fiery demon of darkness was upon them and Gandalf was the only barrier between it and the rest of the Fellowship. Frodo watched, amazed, as his long-time friend and councilor did battle with this monster; as he revealed powers and skills Frodo had never known or imagined he had possessed. 

            "You cannot pass!" Gandalf cried to the Balrog. 

            "Gandalf!" Frodo cried, his voice filled with fear for his friend.

            "I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. Dark fire will not avail you, Flame of Udun!" The Balrog reared up to his full height, which was enormous. Gandalf looked so small. Their swords clashed with a resounded CLANG! The sword of the Balrog shattered into molten fragments. "Go back to the Shadow!" Gandalf raised his staff. "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" He shouted, his voice filled with power and command. He brought his staff down upon the Bridge with a CRACK! Frodo saw the Bridge crack and crumble in front of the Balrog. With a ripping sound the Bridge split completely in two and the Balrog fell into the bottomless chasm of Khazad-dum. Frodo began to heave a sigh of relief as Gandalf turned wearily and began to walk towards them. Suddenly, the Balrog's whip SNAPPED up and entwined itself around Gandalf's legs. Frodo gasped in horror and a look of shock came over Gandalf's face as the fiery whip pulled him down. He grasped vainly at the chipped rock Bridge. Frodo heard someone scream "No, no!" Frodo tried to run to Gandalf. He had to help him! Someone firmly held him back. _"GANDALF!"_ Frodo cried desperately. There was a moment of tense silence as Gandalf hung to the rock by his fingertips. 

            "Fly, you fools!" Gandalf said fiercely. Then his fingers gave way and he fell into darkness. 

            _"NO!" Frodo screamed, his voice filled with anguish. He struggled against the strong person who was holding him back. Gandalf! He had to go to Gandalf! The big person began to pull him away. No! He could _not_ leave Gandalf! Couldn't this person understand that? The person forcibly picked him up and began to carry him away. "_NO!!!"_ Frodo cried again. His heart was being ripped from him. This was not real! It was yet another nightmare. Gandalf! _

            "Aragorn!" Frodo vaguely heard the person holding him yell. Frodo began to kick and beat against the big person's chest. He _must_ put him down! He had to go back to Gandalf! Why couldn't he understand? The person paid no attention to him and carried him the rest of the way through Moria. Frodo's body began shaking with sobs. The person, Boromir, Frodo realized, held him closer as if to comfort him and began to stroke his curls. "Shh, little one." He whispered into Frodo's ear. Frodo laid his head down on the Big Man's shoulder and wept. Gandalf. Frodo's grief overwhelmed him and it seemed as if a giant fist had gripped his chest and was squeezing it in two. 

            Gandalf was gone.

~TBC~

            _I know this is short, but it IS a prologue after all, and they aren't supposed to be that long anyway. I had to kind of lead up to my story with this. If you read it, review it!!! I need ideas and suggestions, along with constructive criticism and comments. Compliments and praise would be fine as well. It takes only thirty seconds, just review it!_


	2. Gray Thoughts

****

Shirebound: Thank you so much for the review!!! I've always thought about that myself. 

****

Julia Ménez: I love your enthusiasm! Thank you!

****

X=TaLoN=X: Oh, but it's about to get better! (and thank you for your comments on "The Promise." I like that chappie title too) ^.^

_KEEP THE REVIEWS COMING PEOPLE!!! A big thanks to those of you who have been pointing out specific things you like. _

****

Chapter One

~Gray Thoughts~

In the hours after Gandalf's fall a voice ran through Frodo's mind. His own voice, over and over again. "We shall go through the mines. We shall go through the mines. We shall go through the mines…" He had made that decision. Gandalf had given him a choice and Frodo had failed him, with Gandalf's death as the consequence. 

Frodo glanced around at his remaining companions and saw grief written on their features. The other hobbits showed it openly and at times a sob would escape Pippin's attempted stoic reserve. Legolas was a mixture of confusion and sorrow: being one of the Elven-kind he did not experience death often, and was all the more affected by it when he did. Aragorn, though, was the most painful to look at. Out of all the Fellowship he had known Gandalf best and had been Gandalf's primary councilor on this journey. It was Aragorn who now had to lead the Fellowship on, so he tried to hide his pain, but it was still there and Frodo saw it clearly. All this grief was because of him.

"We shall let the Ringbearer decide." Gandalf had said. Because of his own selfishness, his desire to get out of the biting cold, Frodo had chosen the more dangerous road. 'I'm such a fool.' Frodo thought bitterly. 'Gandalf…'

Sam looked at Mister Frodo worriedly. He hadn't spoken at all since they'd left the mines. 'He looks awful pale,' Sam thought. 'He don't seem to be 'oldin' up as well as the rest of us.' Samwise quickened his pace to catch up with Strider. He'd know what to do. "Strider?" Sam said softly, trying to match the Ranger's long pace. Aragorn looked down and waited for him to continue. "Strider, Mister Frodo's kind of been lagging behind for a while and he 'asn't been sayin' anything… and, well, I was thinkin' maybe that it has somethin' to do with that knock 'e got from that cave troll back there and I was, well, I was wonderin' if maybe you could take a look at him." 

Strider looked pained for a moment, but quickly concealed it and said, "Of course, Sam. We will stop as soon as we get to this stream in the bottom of this valley."

Sam was relieved. "Thank you." He said and fell back into his place beside Frodo.

Aragorn berated himself for not noticing it before. It was obvious that Frodo was in real pain and seemingly on the verge of exhaustion. Gandalf had had faith in his ability to guide the Fellowship. "Lead them on, Aragorn." He had said. Yet already Aragorn had failed to notice that the most important member of the Company was about to collapse. Gandalf would have noticed it sooner. He would have known what to do. 

*"Aragorn?" Legolas' voice broke through his gray thoughts. He spoke in Elvish. _"Nar le man, mellon nin?" _Aragorn did not look at him. 

__

"Unen!" He responded fiercely. _"Mithrandir na firn,"_ He switched back to Westron. "And already I am failing the Fellowship." He looked back meaningfully at Frodo. Legolas followed his gaze. 

_"Ai,"_ He said. He clasped Aragorn's shoulder comfortingly. _"Dan estel, Elessar. Aure entuluva!"*_ Aragorn smiled weakly in gratitude. 

__

"Thank you, my friend." By this time they had reached the stream. Now to see about Frodo.

_ ****_

Yes, I know, another short chappie. But I'm writing often and there will be lots of them! Bear with me! *hint hint reviews compel me to write faster hint* 

PLEASE SEND REVIEWS! I need suggestions, ideas, constructive criticism, CORRECTIONS FOR THE ELVISH, compliments, comments, etc. It's so easy! Just press the handy-dandy review button! (my brother watches Blues Clues, alright?)

**__**

*Aragorn's and Legolas' conversation in Elvish*

"Aragorn?" Legolas' voice broke through his gray thoughts. He spoke in Elvish. _"_Are you good (well), my friend?"Aragorn did not look at him. 

__

"I am not." He responded fiercely. "Gandalf is dead," He switched back to Westron. "And already I am failing the Fellowship." He looked back meaningfully at Frodo. Legolas followed his gaze. 

"Ah," He said. He clasped Aragorn's shoulder comfortingly. "Take hope, Elf-stone. Day will come again!"


	3. The Hands of a King

**Shirebound:** I'm doing the "short but frequent chapter" thing. It's hard for me to write long chappies… *sigh*

**Eldameldo:** Thanks! (I stole your phrase) It seems to be working so far. 

**hobbit13:** I suppose… I just wanted to show how Frodo felt during the Balrog battle and Gandalf's fall with that first part, any time in the mines before that would not have done anything for the story. I'm planning on ending somewhere in Lothlorian.

**lovethosehobbits:** Is this fast enough for you? Thank you for your enthusiasm!!! I'm grounded at the moment (from computer and writing… ah the joys of being a teenager!) so I write and post when and how I can. (bad teenager! Bad, bad!)

****

Chapter Two

~The Hands of a King~

_Note: I am not a healer or anything so forgive me if my medical terms and such are not accurate._

They had stopped to rest by the stream. They had been walking for hours and they still had several more to go before they reached Lothlorien. The hobbits had plopped down in a heap upon arrival, all but Frodo. He sat a little way off from the rest, staring thoughtfully into the swift-moving stream. Aragorn approached him and was amused to notice Samwise watching his every move. He sat down cross-legged on the grass in front of Frodo, who raised his head to meet Aragorn's gaze. Aragorn felt a twinge inside him; there was so much pain in those eyes. He put on a smile.

"Hello there, Frodo. How are you holding up?" he asked him. A wry look came over Frodo's face. 

"I am well, no matter what Sam told you back there." He responded dryly. Aragorn raised his eyebrows.

"Oh, really? Well, I seem to recall you being in the wrong spot when a very large troll through his javelin." He said just as dryly. He saw Frodo give a barely perceptible sigh. 

"It just knocked the air out of me, Aragorn, that--"

"While it didn't kill you," Aragorn continued, undaunted. "It most likely injured you. May I look at it?" Frodo nodded resignedly. "Has it been hurting you?" Aragorn asked as he began to remove Frodo's cloak and shirt. 

"It… it has been uncomfortable and sometimes it is difficult to breath." Frodo answered. Aragorn gently lifted the coat of mithril and the soft jerkin underneath to examine Frodo's chest and stomach. He hissed sharply when he saw the large blue-black bruise that had formed and the many cuts and scratches made by sharp mithril-rings that had torn through the jerkin. It was amazing that Frodo had been able to walk at all, much less for hours on end! He gently felt Frodo's ribs and stopped when Frodo winced. 

"It is not as bad as it could have been," Aragorn stated. "There is bruising and several scratches, and you have a bruised rib, that is why it is difficult to draw breath. It may be cracked, I cannot tell yet for sure." He began to dig around in his pack and pulled out a roll of bandages that he had hoped would not be needed. 

"Sam?" He called to the pile of hobbits. A red-brown head popped up. "Could you come here for a moment?" Sam was at their side in an instant and looked at Strider expectantly. Aragorn showed him a dried-out herb. "Could you see if there is any more of this around here? I believe it grows in this area." With a nod at Frodo, Sam was off to find the soothing plant. 

"Frodo, there is more bothering you than this wound." Aragorn said softly. Frodo hesitated.

"No, no, I'm alright." Aragorn groaned inwardly at the hobbit's stubbornness. 

"Frodo, the Council gave you companions so that they could help you in any and every way. Will you not tell me what is wrong?"

Frodo's eyes flashed. "_Nothing_ is wrong, Aragorn! Don't ask me again!" Aragorn flinched, shocked by this fierce response. The other members of the Fellowship looked at them curiously and there was concern in Merry and Pippin's eyes. Anything Aragorn could have said was cut off by Sam, who had returned with the herb. 

"Is this the one you wanted, Mister Strider?" He asked. 

"Yes, Sam," Aragorn said, taking it. "This is fine. Thank you. Go rest now, we must start again in a little while." Sam nodded at him, glanced at Frodo worriedly, and walked back to the hobbit heap. Aragorn crushed the herb into a salve and put it on Frodo's cuts and bruises. He began to wrap Frodo's chest with the bandages and Frodo relaxed visibly as the salve began to work. 

"Aragorn… I'm sorry I lost my temper. I… please don't ask me again." Aragorn rose and looked down at Frodo with understanding. 

"Be at peace, Ringbearer, I will not ask of it further." He said and walked over to talk to Legolas. _'Gandalf…' _

~TBC~__

Ok, how about I just go ahead and say that most chapters will be short? Sorry, but it seems to work better than way. 

SEND REVIEWS! (they make me write faster) Let me know if there is anything I need to change. Give me suggestions and comments… compliments… Just review it and say *something* because it's the only way I know you've read the story. Thanks, oh you luverly peoples! 


	4. The Guilt of a Little One

**__**

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU LOVELY REVIEWERS! *clears throat meaningfully*

Arwen Baggins: Yes, I see your point, but remember that this is movie-verse and in the movie the Fellowship found out about the mithril coat right after Frodo got stabbed by the very large extremely ugly Cave Troll named Fluffy. 

Sam… dear Sam. Oh, but he's not like this all the time… only when he knows Frodo is very upset does he keep the "surveillance camera" on him, as you say.

****

Shar-Frael: Oh, thank you thank you for your reviews! Well you see, in the movie (everyone is set in book-verse here, as I usually am) Gandalf was against it and Aragorn never really said one way or the other, it was Gimli who was so adamant about going through them. 

Hmm… as far as I know, Elessar was one of the names (the other being Estel) that Elves were known to call him. (Notice when Galadriel calls him that in the LothloriEn) Perhaps _I_ am wrong, I know not. 

I liked that too! Hobbit heap… *laughs as she remembers writing that line

*shudders* I'm so sorry! I wish it was just a typo, but I'm afraid I was just careless as to the spelling of Lothlorien. I'll try and get that changed.

****

Shirebound: Oooo thank you! "Praise from the praiseworthy…" Thanks for telling me about the chappies, I was afraid I was doing something wrong! *sigh* You must remember I am still quite new at this! (correction done and done! I shudder to think I misspelled something.) 

Where is more of "By Chance or Purpose"? I've been waiting quite patiently and after all, I went to and returned from the Halls of Mandos just for you! *g, d, & r* 

****

Chapter Three

-The Guilt of a Little One-

Pippin was miserable. He glanced over at Frodo, but that only made it worse. His cousin had no comfort for him this time; Frodo needed consoling himself. 

Why had he bothered that arrow? Why could he not seem to _think_ before he did something? Why was he always so _foolish_? Pippin snuffled a bit before he could stop himself.

"Fool of a Took! Through yourself in next time and _rid_ us of your _stupidity_!" Gandalf had said, snatching back his hat and staff.

_'I am sorry, Gandalf.'_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Until now Boromir had not understood fully the relationship between Mithrandir and the halflings. He had noticed, of course, the comfortable way that they joked or bantered with each other; a way in which Boromir never would have dared deal with the wizard. But now… now he saw the love the hobbits had for him and he imagined how much Mithrandir must have cared for them in return. 

Young Peregrin especially seemed devastated. The little one still cried occasionally, though he obviously did not want to show the others his grief. The Ringbearer, too, seemed full of pain, and with good reason: he had known Gandalf best out of the hobbits. But Pippin… he was so young! 

Boromir shortened his strides and fell into step beside Peregrin, who was walking apart from the others. He ruffled his curls a bit, but did not get the hoped-for smile.

"You walk as with a great burden, little one. Will you tell me what is the matter?" Boromir asked gently. Pippin was silent for a moment. 

"Gandalf…" he said reluctantly. Boromir waited. "Gandalf, he… I… if I hadn't touched anything then the goblins would not have come, and… and then the monster wouldn't have come and Gandalf would still be here walking with us and laughing when I said how much my feet hurt and how hungry I am… but he's not, Boromir, and it's all my fault!" This came out in a rush. Pippin's voice had been rising in pitch and by the end he was practically in tears. The others were pretending not to notice, though Meriadoc looked as if he could barely restrain himself from running to comfort his younger cousin. 

"Peregrin," Boromir began, shocked to think that this young one was carrying such a weight. "You did not know the dwarf would fall. Had you known, you would not have bothered it. Gandalf knew that." Pippin just began to cry, though Boromir could see he was ashamed of himself. _'He need not be,' _he thought._ 'He has been through so much…'_ Boromir caught Aragorn's eye and signaled for the company to stop. 

"Let's have one more rest before we reach Lorien, but only for a moment." Aragorn announced to the Fellowship. They all dispersed into groups and the other hobbits collapsed wearily on the ground, leaving Boromir and Pippin to themselves. Boromir sat down and pulled Pippin onto his lap. 

"There, there, little one," he soothed. "It is not your fault and you must not think such things." Pippin looked up at him doubtfully, but his crying was reduced to occasional sobs. "It was impossible that we could have passed through Moria unnoticed, something else would have alerted the orcs to our presence even if that had not." Boromir continued. Peregrin still looked doubtful.

"But… Gandalf--"

"Gandalf knew that as well. He held no grudge against you, Peregrin, you may be assured of that." Boromir said with finality. Pippin still looked wretched, but some of the pain was gone from his eyes.

"Thank you, Boromir. I don't know what I'd do without you." Pippin said, snuggling into his chest. Boromir was surprised at this show of affection, and he was even more shocked to realize how close these small hobbits were to his heart, especially this one. He loved him as he would his own son. 

"And I don't know where this Fellowship would be without you, Peregrin Took." Boromir said solemnly. Pippin looked up.

"Really?" Boromir nodded. "Boromir, do you think you could talk to Frodo, too?" Pippin asked. Boromir shifted uncomfortably. Talk to the Ringbearer… "He seems even more sad than I am." Pippin finished. Boromir sighed but said, 

"Of course, little one." Just then Aragorn walked up and Boromir once again felt uncomfortable in his position. Peregrin wasn't a child, after all. 

"Boromir, Pippin, it's time to go. We will not stop again until we've reached Lorien." Aragorn said, and he walked off to tell the others. The pair rose. Suddenly, Boromir had a thought. Child or no…

"Pippin, didn't you say your feet hurt?" he asked.

"Well… yes." Pippin said, embarrassed he had let that slip. 

"Well, I can fix _that_." Boromir said mischievously and with a roar he swept Pippin up and set him on his shoulders. Pippin burst into a fit of giggles.

"Boromir!" he cried. Boromir laughed, pleased he had made Pippin forget his sadness for a moment.

He smiled to himself as he realized he would do anything for his little one.

~TBC~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

__

Hmm… perhaps I should make this into a vignette all its very own, what do you think? It's LONGER than the others! Yey! My muse changed her ways… at least for now.

Send reviews!!! Must know what you think! Point out errors (thank you, Sarah and Shirebound and Arwen Baggins!) and lines you liked (again, thanks, Shirebound and Sarah!) and just anything! Just review it pawaleese! As our dear Elijah Wood says, "That would be lovely." And anyway if you don't I'm going to get Deranged Lil' Hobbit to send over her Giant Squirrel of Mass Destruction with a loaded water gun!!! *raspberry*


	5. Unexpected Comfort

****

Lord Havok's Minion: Why, thank you! I love writing those two.

****

Shirebound: Yes… I've always loved that relationship. It shows a softer side of the big warrior. He's really cuddly on the inside!

****

Arwen Baggins: I think that in some innate way he does… I'm planning on going pretty much to and partially through Lothlorian. This fic is probably almost over! 

****

Hai: Thank you so much for that wonderful review! Oh goodness, I love Boz too. 

****

Shar-Frael: Oh yes I know he was, but BOROMIR didn't know that. Thank you so much for your comments! I want to hug Pippin too! Bah-ha-ah-ah… *sobs* I ramble too… it's something to overcome, that's for sure.

****

Demus: Oh, oh, oh, thank you! Oooo! LOVERLY review that was! "downright cuteness" heehee! Love that!

****

X=TaLoN=X: Ooo I know! Those awful Legolas-star-crossed chicks just seem to hate Boz, don't they? Thanks, I like my heap of hobbits as well!

****

Erisinia Gazelle: What is WAFF, dear? Oi, I stole your nickname for Bozzie! *raspberry of Doom*I loved your review. So helpful and… eh, INTERESTING. MUSH FLUFF AND COTTON CANDY TO THE END, CHICA!

****

FrodoBaggins87: Here is Frodo and his thoughts for you, hun! I love our dear Frodo…

****

taggirl: Ai, I had fun WRITING the Elvish. Glad someone noticed it!

KEEP SENDING OH YOU LUVERLY REVIEWERS!!!

****

Chapter 4

~Unexpected Comfort~

The Fellowship had reached Lothlorien, entering the wood in the afternoon just as the light was beginning to fade. It had been a relief for Frodo to walk in the cool shade of the trees. An aura of peace had passed over the Company, though all had been wary of the mystery surrounded Laurelindorenan, the Valley of the Singing Gold. 

They had barely entered the forest when the elves of that place, the Galadhrim, had greeted them with the points of arrows and the ageless people had only slightly relaxed when they realized who they were. The Fellowship had been led farther into the forest and up onto a lofty flet in one of the immense trees as night fell upon Lorien.

"The leader of this company is Haldir," Aragorn had pointed out to Frodo the tall Elf who had spoken to them rather rudely, towards Gimli especially, when the Elves had first come upon them.

Aragorn and Legolas, a Dunadan and a Prince of Mirkwood, seemed known to the Galadhrim, but the reserved Elves appeared very nearly afraid of Frodo and the Ring he carried. "You bring great evil with you." Haldir had said, looking pointedly at him. "You can go no further." Haldir's words had stirred Frodo's memory and his mind wandered to the voice that had been in Frodo's mind after they had entered Lothlorien. It had not been his own this time, but rather a woman's, deep and powerful. The echoes of it still disturbed his thoughts. _'Frodo... your coming to us... is as the footsteps of Doom.... You bring great evil here, Ringbearer.'_

Frodo dragged himself away from the hypnotic voice that haunted his mind and back to the present. Aragorn was trying to convince Haldir to let them continue on and the two had been speaking heatedly for the past hour. Now it looked as if Aragorn was actually pleading with the Elf. Frodo's gut twisted as he realized again how desperate their situation really was. 

Frodo looked around at the Fellowship. Legolas was resting comfortably on this high perch, but looked rather restless. He caught the elf's eye and their gaze met, but neither had any comfort to offer the other and they looked away after a moment. Sam glanced at him as if to make sure he was still indeed there, as he had done every few minutes since they'd left the Mines. It was beginning to get tiresome, but Frodo knew Sam was only worried about him so he kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to end up snapping at him like he had at Aragorn but a few hours earlier. Frodo tried to give Samwise an encouraging smile, but his face refused even to create a façade of happiness and all that came out of the effort was a slight shift in Frodo's lips. He gave up and did his own check for Merry and Pippin. They were huddled together on the other side of the flet, and they looked quite miserable so high off the ground. Peregrin had taken Gandalf's death badly, though it seemed Boromir had eased his pain somewhat when the Company had stopped that last time before reaching Lothlorien. Frodo didn't know how he had done it, but he was grateful to the Man for helping his youngest cousin. Gimli was sitting as far away from Elves as possible and looked extremely uncomfortable being in their realm. Out of long-time habit, Frodo began to search for Gandalf. _'Gandalf...? Gandalf? Oh... Gandalf.'_ Memories that had been temporarily eased came flooding back to him and tears welled up suddenly in his eyes, but Frodo was determined not to let them fall. Boromir must have noticed anyway.

"Gandalf's death was not in vain," he said gently. "Nor would he have you give up hope." he paused and looked at Frodo piercingly. "You carry a heavy burden, Frodo. Don't carry the weight of the dead."

While Frodo's mind could find no true comfort in the words, his spirit did and indeed it felt as if a great weight that he hadn't even known was there had been lifted. 

As he began to relax, Haldir was suddenly before them. "You will follow me." he said and he led them off the flet.

The sun had risen over the golden trees and light touched the faces of the Company. Boromir was wary of these Elves; he did not trust them and always it seemed as if someone was listening to his very thoughts. He glanced around at those that surrounded the remaining eight of the Fellowship and, deciding they were not an immediate threat, relaxed into thought. The Ringbearer... Frodo was slightly behind him and Boromir was pleased to note that he walked with a lighter step, though shadows still clouded his face. Boromir always kept track of him now. What if something should happen to him? What if he should wander off like he had after they'd left the Mines? What would become of the Ring if he did? Boromir shook his head to rid himself of that voice that haunted his steps and dreams. _'Keep Frodo in your sight... follow him...'_ a seductive tone had been whispering. _'Leave me!'_ Boromir told the voice. _'Please leave me alone...'_

"Boromir?" a soft voice at his side jerked him out of his thoughts. He looked down and was startled to find Frodo himself. 

"Yes? Is there something wrong?" 

"No, no." Frodo shook his head. "I just... I wanted to thank you for what you said last night. It... I found a comfort in your words that you will probably never realize." Boromir was surprised. He hadn't expected gratitude... the Ringbearer had been avoiding him, it seemed, for quite a while. When he didn't say anything, Frodo continued. "And I also wanted to thank you for whatever you did to help Pippin." he said, looking over at the mentioned cousin who was enthralled, in the morning light and safely on the ground, with the Elves and the trees and every other new Valar-be-blessed thing and he was now busy asking Haldir who-knew-what. The Elf, though, did not seem to mind; rather he appeared amused. 

_'The Valar help him if Pippin thinks he has found someone to answer all of his many questions.'_ Boromir thought. "You are very welcome, on both accounts." he said. He paused, wondering if he should reveal to Frodo what Peregrin had most likely told him in confidence. _'He needs to know.'_ he decided, though it irked him to break even a promise not verbally given. "Your cousin seemed to think Gandalf's death was his fault." he said reluctantly. Frodo started, but composed himself quickly. "Is there something wrong?" Boromir asked, concerned. 

"No, nothing's wrong... I just, I'm fine, Boromir. Thank you again..." Frodo said hastily and he made his way over to his cousins. 

_'There is more the matter here than meets the eye,' _Boromir thought.

(Note: Some of the above dialogue is from a scene in the movie "The Fellowship of the Ring".)

A BIG HUGH THANKS TO ERISINIA GAZELLE FOR BETA-ING THIS TO DEATH FOR ME!

PLEASE SEND A REVIEW!!!


	6. A Sadness Noticed by All

Lord Havok's Minion: Cliffie? Sort of, I suppose! I've never really thought about it! I quite agree: Boromir is full of tenderness!

Eiluj: Thank you! It was challenging to take a scene from the movie and write the back-thoughts. (Is that a word?)

Shirebound: You noticed! I love to tie things like that into my stories!

X=TaLoN=X: You need to whip that lighter of yours into shape, love! Hopefully this chappie will be worth the wait as well.

Erisinia Gazelle: I know... I just couldn't find another way to word it that still conveyed the same message! You *know* I just had to add that phrase of yours in there! Heh!

Hai: Ooo, what a good review! I know! I hate it when people portray Boz as a big mean evilness person! Agck... And it WOULD be unnerving...

Demus: Oh, I know! I do that too, love. I love Fro/Bo talks! Yey! 

            Mrs. Peregrin Took: I love Peregrin too! Yey! Have I ever told you I love your pen-name??

_ A BIG HUGE THANK YOU TO ERISINIA GAZELLE, WHO ONCE AGAIN BETA-ED TO PIECES! Yey, Erisinia!_

      ****

**Chapter 5**

**~A Sadness Noticed By All~**

            _What is wrong with Frodo? Legolas wondered for the hundredth time since entering Lorien. After leaving the flet, Haldir had led them to Caras Galadhon where they had met the Lord and Lady of the Wood. The Lady Galadriel had spoken to each of them in his own mind, disturbing some and comforting others. Frodo's grief had appeared to be alleviated at the time, but since then he had once again grown brooding and silent. The whole Company had been grieved over Mithrandir's death, the __pheriannath especially, but their sadness had lifted once they reached the peace of Laurelindorenan and the comfort of the Lady. Frodo's grief, too, should have been lifted, but there was still pain in his every glance. In the back of Legolas' mind, the reason for it flitted about, but he was unable to catch the elusive thing. There was something that he, something that they were all, missing. What was it?  He would approach Frodo later and offer his own comfort.        _

            Sam was worried about Mister Frodo. He wasn't eating anything, not natural for a hobbit, Baggins though he was; he slept but seldom, and when he did sleep he tossed and turned and would often cry out, "No! I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…." Gandalf's death had hurt them all, but Frodo was taking it hard… it wasn't healthy! After they'd seen the White Lady, Frodo had been at peace for a while, but his sadness had slowly re-emerged. Sam had tried to ask him about it, but Frodo had gently brushed him off. Nothing was wrong, he'd say, and would Sam please stop asking him about it? Samwise shook his head. It just wasn't natural.

            Aragorn chafed at the promise he had made. Frodo needed help, and he clearly was not going to ask for it, so someone would have to ask _him about it. Alas, Aragorn had given his word __not to ask of it, and Samwise was not having much better fortune. Boromir had talked to him, and it seemed as if that had helped, but Frodo was slipping back into his grief. Even Lady Galadriel had not rid him of it. The other hobbits had begun sharing memories and laughing at remembered quirks of Gandalf a few days after his passing, but not Frodo. True, he had been closer to the wizard than the others, but by now he should have joined his cousins in remembering Gandalf as he had lived. Aragorn had often come very close to talking to Frodo again, but he had kept his word. He would not break it. _

            Merry was worried. It seemed as if he hadn't stopped worrying for years now. Pippin had healed, and had returned to his normal self, though now he seemed to take things more seriously. Boromir and Peregrin had bonded over the weeks they'd been in Lorien, and it seemed as if the Man was the key to Pippin's regained… well, _Pippin_-ness. But Frodo… Frodo was a different story. His cousin had been so… quiet, so sad. His eyes… Merry could barely stand to look at them. Frodo would often wander off into the woods by himself for hours upon end, and when he returned he would appear to be comforted, but within a few minutes of returning he would again fall silent. Merry hadn't approached Frodo about it, but he had kept a close eye on him whenever possible. 

            Gimli's thoughts wandered from one matter to another. Well, mainly two. _Frodo, Galadriel, Frodo, Galadriel…_ She was so beautiful. Gimli had never seen anything… _anything as lovely as the Lady of the Wood. Something, not in her appearance but more in her mind, reminded him of his own kind. Something subtle… that perhaps only a Dwarf could discern, but it was there. As for the other matter... what was wrong with the Ringbearer, anyway? Gimli couldn't quite put his finger on it... but there was something deeply the matter with the hobbit. Gimli wasn't very good with words or comfort, but perhaps he should speak to Legolas about it. The Elf had been showing him kindness recently, and Gimli had dropped his... distaste for the Prince since reaching Caras Galadhon. Yes, that's what he'd do. He'd talk to Legolas first thing in the morning... Now, Galadriel...._

            Pippin crouched behind one of the large tree trunks. He risked a peek around it, and quickly pulled his head back again. One... two... three... NOW! "Boo!" He cried. But Frodo was not there. Bewildered, Pippin looked around quickly. Where had he gone? He wasn't... he wasn't _anywhere_. He'd just been there! Pippin had _seen_ him! He sighed. _Well, so much for making him laugh. _He thought dejectedly. His oldest cousin had been overly quiet lately... He'd always been sort of quiet, but now he just didn't talk. At all. Peregrin couldn't imagine how it was possible not to talk for more than five minutes, much less all the time. He remembered how he'd felt after Gandalf had died and how Boromir had helped him. Boromir had talked to Frodo too, but he hadn't achieved quite the same effect with him. Pippin sighed again. What could be bothering his cousin this much?

 _REVIEW THIS! I was so happy when I saw the many reviews I got of the last chappie... so encouraging!!!_


	7. Warm Soup and Honest Words

**ANOTHER BIG HUGE THANKS TO ERISINIA GAZELLE AND TALENTED-AND-GIFTED GIRL! YEY FOR BETA-ERS EVERYWHERE!!! **

Mysterious Jedi: It's because I started posting the story at Stories of Arda long after I started posting on ff.net. 

Hai: Hmm, I actually didn't think about him putting the Ring on. That would have been a good twist, though. I may add in a mention of it yet, though. Pippin-Frodo chapter in the works, possibly. 

Lovethosehobbits: Oh thank you, darling! And, if I may ask, what is "tree"? 

Arwen Baggins: Thanks! Oh, you're smart, love! Good premonition you've got. 

Erisinia Gazelle: Yey! I'm so glad you liked it. Great job with this chappie, love. (poor pippin...)

Shirebound: Oh thanks! *yey* I'm so glad you like how I portrayed Merry. *grins bashfully*

Talon: Yey! *munches on muffins* And now *I* am the one who is waiting for the next chapter of Anduial. *phft* 

BloodRoses9: Oh, I will eventually. Bozzie and Pip! Heh. And actually, the city is Caras Galadhon. Lorien is a general term for the wood. And where do you see the incorrect form of _dunedain_?

**Chapter 6**

**~Warm Soup and Honest Words~**

Frodo hid an irritated grimace as Sam, once again, tried to coerce him into eating. It was very simple: he didn't _want_ to eat. But somehow, that fact was soaring over Sam's head by a league and a half. "Sam, really, I'm fine." He said. Sam wasn't buying it and raised his eyebrows skeptically. "It's just that I've gotten used to not eating much since we've been traveling... and that's _all_." Frodo emphasized, some anger slipping through. Sam, undaunted, persisted. 

        "Mister Frodo, I've seen you eat and hobbits who can eat like you don't just 'get used to not eatin' much.' Now have some of this soup." Sam threatened Frodo with his most frightening and authoritative glower-- and Frodo, though not affected at all by the glare but simply to appease his gardener and self-appointed care-taker-- took a few sips of the warm soup. He didn't taste it, but he tried to smile gratefully at Sam anyway.

        "This _is_ good, Sam. I'm sorry I made such a fuss." Frodo took some more sips of the soup and, satisfied, Sam went his way. When he was a sufficient distance away, Frodo ate a last spoonful and discreetly poured the soup out in an already damp spot. Sam would notice if a new one was created. It wasn't that the soup was bad, he just was not hungry! He did not want to eat, no matter how appetizing the food Sam enticed him with. Frodo sighed. If only everyone would just let him be! There was nothing they could do to help, and Frodo did not want to burden them with problems they could not solve. He sighed inwardly as he saw Legolas approaching. Yet another attempt to pry. 

        "Hello, Frodo." Legolas said cheerfully. "Aragorn asked me to have a last look at your wound." Frodo nodded.

        "Of course." He said. Legolas lifted Frodo's shirt gently. The empty bowl and the now extra-damp spot on the ground did not pass Legolas' notice. He made a wry face.

        "Your wound is healing nicely. We should not have to worry about it anymore, I should think." He paused. "I see you made good use of the soup Samwise worked so hard to cook for you." He scolded with concern.

        "I wasn't hungry." Frodo said shortly. Legolas lowered his shirt.

        "Frodo, you sound like a child." He chided. "As I understand, you are the eldest of the hobbits in the Fellowship. Do you not think that they see you as a leader, _turpherian_? An example? You are the center of their world, Frodo. Do you not know how much sorrow you are causing with your stubbornness?"

Frodo gaped silently. He had not even... "They love you, Frodo. We all do. You are the most important member of the Fellowship, and besides that, you have become dear to all of us. We are all incredibly worried about you. Merry is loosing sleep. Have you looked at him, Frodo? Have you seen the pain in his eyes? And Pippin, he cries at night when he thinks no one can hear. He is frightened for you. We do not want to pry," He said pointedly. "We only want to try to understand what is wrong so we can help you... _so we can help you." Legolas finished pleadingly. _

Frodo had not once stopped staring at the elf: at the deep hurt in _his eyes. He had not... had not even __considered that he might be causing his companions pain. By trying to keep them from sharing in his problem he had created one. By trying to protect them he had hurt them. He was a fool. Could he never make the right decision? He felt tears well up in his eyes and he collapsed into silent tears, flinging himself into the elf's waiting arms. _

        Legolas was surprised but relieved at the effect his words had had on Frodo. Perhaps he had finally reached him. Perhaps Merry could get a good night's sleep and Pippin would not whimper in his dreams. Maybe Sam would finally loose his agitated, worried stance and relax, knowing his master would be all right after all. And Aragorn... Aragorn could relax as well. He had enough things to be stressed about without worrying over Frodo, which he did constantly. 

Legolas became aware that the area had suddenly become quiet and, looking around, he realized the other members of the Fellowship had picked up on the situation and given them space. Legolas decided to take a chance.

        "Frodo... what _is_ wrong? Are you ready to speak of it?" Legolas asked softly. Frodo snuffled and nodded, his face still hidden in Legolas' chest. 

        "It's... it's all my fault." He said pitifully, raising a tear-stained face to the sympathetic elf. 

        "What is? The Ring?" Legolas asked, confused.

        "Yes, well, no. In a way, but that's not it." Frodo said, apparently confused himself. Legolas waited. "Gandalf... it's my fault he fell. If it wasn't for me we would have still been together... The Nine Walkers would have been complete." Legolas felt numb. How could this little one have taken on such a guilt? How could he think it was his fault? Legolas pulled himself back.

        "Frodo, you cannot take on such a responsibility. Why do you think it is your fault?" He asked carefully. 

        "Because," Frodo said softly... reluctantly. "I made the decision. Gandalf gave me a choice on Caradhras. He said 'Let the Ringbearer decide.' And I did. I made the wrong decision and Gandalf's life was the penalty." He finished. Again, Legolas was shocked into silence. He shook it off.

        "Frodo, had you not decided to go into Moria, many others may have died. Pippin, for example. Merry. Sam. Even you, _pherianion. Had there been any more avalanches, Boromir, Gimli, even Aragorn and I could have died. Even Gandalf. So you see, Frodo, you very well could have saved us all from dying. Instead of one death amongst us we could have had nine. As the Lady said, nothing the Grey Wanderer did in life was in vain, and neither was his last act in death. There is a purpose for everything, Frodo. You will see that there is one for death as well."_

        Frodo said nothing. His crying had slowly waned, and now only deep shuddering breaths shook his body. Legolas stroked his curls comfortingly and hummed an Elvish lullaby. A few moments later he looked down and was not surprised to see the dignified Ringbearer peacefully asleep.

~TBC~

_Oh goodness! I was shocked when I saw the response to the last chapter; there were quite a few reviews. Well, for the humble Cantora, anyway. Keep 'em comin', loves!_

_"I am deviously insane." -Me_


	8. Impatient Hobbits and LongAwaited Laughs

**Chapter 7**

**~Impatient Hobbits and Long-Awaited Laughs~**

It was a pleasant day in the Elven city of Caras Galadhon and all but two members of the visiting Fellowship were visibly overcome with worry and anxiety. They were worrying once again about dear Frodo, and what was happening back in the glen where he and Legolas were talking. The two had been there for just _hours, _as far as Pippin was concerned, and he was getting impatient. 

            "Can't I just go have a _peek_, Strider?" He begged Aragorn, who in turn had lost count of exactly how many times the little one had asked the question. He inwardly rolled his eyes in amusement: no matter how intense the situation, this young hobbit could somehow lighten it just by being close by. Aragorn prepared himself to withstand yet another onslaught from the Irrepressible Peregrin. 

            _"No."_ Aragorn said with finality. "We are going to give Legolas space. I have a feeling our Elf can get through to him, and _you_, young Pippin, are not going to ruin his chance." He gave the hobbit-lad a stern look and the only reward for his firmness was a glower and crossed arms. Then Peregrin changed tactics. 

            "Aragorn," He said, looking up into the tall Man's face. Instead of glowering, his enormous green eyes were mournful, and his bow-shaped lips trembled. "What if something's wrong? Can't I go to my cousin? He needs me. If something happens... I just..." Pippin paused to emphasize his words with a small sniffle. "Please?" His eyes filled with tears and held the Ranger's like a steel trap. 

            "Pippin..." Aragorn began, trying to free himself from those eyes. "I suppose you-" He was cut off by sudden, joyful laughter. The six who had been impatiently waiting swung around, startled, at the sound. Their eyes widened and more than one jaw dropped. 

It was Frodo. _Frodo was laughing._

"Aragorn, you let him talk to long. My young cousin was about to win you over." Frodo winked at the surprised Ranger. "We've lost you to him, I'm afraid." 

"It was the eyes that did it." Legolas said, attempting to suppress his own mirth. He failed miserably and he and Frodo erupted into gales of delighted laughter. The other members of the Fellowship one-by-one pulled themselves out of their shock and joined in. Within seconds their merriment filled the glen and the three hobbits rushed to their beloved Frodo. Pippin did not slow down to hug him but threw himself into his older cousin's arms and succeeded in knocking him to the soft ground. Merry, too, threw himself down to smother his cousin with pure hobbit affection. Even Sam gave in and before anyone could say "Took," Frodo had been buried under hobbit limbs and feet and curls. 

As the laughter died down, Boromir and Aragorn and Gimli managed to forcibly pull the hobbits off of the Ringbearer and hug him themselves. 

Frodo had returned.

That evening Pippin approached Frodo somewhat timidly. The elder cousin looked on him with amusement, but with great fondness and love. Pippin stood off to one side for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. 

"Frodo?" he finally began, sitting down beside him. 

"Yes, Pip?" 

"Can I ask you a question?" Pippin said. "Just a little one," he added quickly. Frodo smiled and nodded. Pippin's green eyes locked with Frodo's blue ones. "Why-well... um-why were you... so... un-Frodo-like?" He asked carefully. Frodo sobered. 

"It doesn't matter, Pippin, dear. I'm Frodo-like now. It doesn't matter." Frodo said quietly. He didn't want to burden his cousin with what had really been troubling him. 

Pippin looked somewhat hurt and looked down. Frodo suddenly remembered how Boromir said Pippin himself had felt after Gandalf had fallen, how the little one had taken the responsibility and guilt upon himself. 

"Pip, I believed that Gandalf's death was my fault. I felt guilty because I thought that I had sent him to his death." Frodo said solemnly. Pippin's head snapped up and his eyes went wide, but he said nothing. "Peregrin, you must understand something. As the Ringbearer I have a... special responsibility to this Fellowship, just as Aragorn does and Gandalf did. I believed I had failed the Fellowship, and Gandalf." 

A tear ran down Pippin's face and Frodo felt tears in his eyes as well. He let them fall. "But it's alright now, Pip. I realize that it wasn't my fault, and I'm alright." 

Frodo pulled his cousin into a hug and Pippin snuggled in gratefully, glad to have his Frodo back.

_~The End~_


End file.
